VOL. CXIII · No. 42Thursday, July 23, 2026PRICE: STILL FREE
The Normie Times
— AMERICA'S FOREMOST TRANSLATION BUREAU · EST. 1926 · “WE TELL THEM GENTLY” —
LOCAL VISIONARY FINALLY UNDERSTOOD BY OWN MOTHER
Bureau translators credited with “miracle at Thanksgiving” — thousands more seek aid daily. Write the Bureau below; a translator responds within seconds.
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ROUTE YOUR LETTER TO:
LETTERS ACCEPTED TODAY: —
You have seen behind the curtain. Your loved ones have seen primetime television. The Bureau exists to bridge this gap. State your predicament to the appropriate desk and our translators will furnish words suitable for civilian ears.